


Alert, an Idiot is Messaging You

by thepageofapillow



Category: VIXX
Genre: Multi, and dumps of shit that i think vixx would say to each other, hyukbin in later chapters, this is literally just a chat room
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-02 07:44:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11504847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepageofapillow/pseuds/thepageofapillow
Summary: Basically just a VIXX chatroom





	1. Dicks & Popcorn

_**4:37PM** _

 

[ **hakyeonnie** added 5 new members to the chat]

 

 **rrrravi996:** why do we have another chat

 **rrrravi996:** i thought we were using one already

 **hakyeonnie:** this is a clean slate

 **hakyeonnie:** i don't want to go back up reading our old chats anymore

 **kenneth111:** just because me and wonsik accidentally sexted in the chat doesn't mean you need to make another one

 **hakyeonnie:** AFTER MY EYES WERE SOILED BY THAT

 **hakyeonnie:** OF COURSE I NEED TO

 **kenneth111:** it's not like you've never seen our dicks before chill tf out

 **hakyeonnie:** it's been one too many times, jaehwan.

 **hakyeonnie:** one too many times.

 

[ **hakyeonnie** has renamed the chat _dem BOIS_ ]

 

 **binnieboy:** yeah, i'm with hyung on this one

 **hakyeonnie:** thank you hongbin, i always knew you were the good child

 

[ **kenneth111** changed **hakyeonnie's** name to **worst mother** ]

 

 **worst mother:** fucking RUDE

 **worst mother:** i have done so much for you children

 **hyulk** : you left me at a mcdonalds because i threw a fry at you

 **worst mother** : THAT WAS WARRANTED YOU WERE BEING A LITTLE SHIT

 **rrrravi996** : i think you're getting a little too riled up. 

 **rrrravi996** : it's only 4:30

 **worst mother** : wrong, wonsik, it just turned 4:40

 **worst mother** : i swear to god, do I have any good children!?!?

 **worst mother** : oh wait

 

[ **worst mother** changed **binnieboy's** name to **the good one** ]

 

 **the good one:** i feel special

 **kenneth111:** look all i'm saying is that people make mistakes

 **worst mother:** mistakes

 **worst mother:** okay so how the fuck do you BOTH fuck up and sext in this chat

 **rrrravi996:** listen ok my thumb slipped

 **worst mother:** bOTH YOUR THUMBS SLIPPED????

 **kenneth111:** probably

 

[ **worst mother** changed **kenneth111's** name to **the dumbest one of all** ]

 

 **the dumbest one of all:** i'm being victimized here

 **the dumbest one of all:** where tf is taekwoon hyung

 **the good one:** probably muting this chat as we speak

 **rrrravi996:** i'm sitting across from him

 **rrrravi996:** he's watching cat videos

 **the good one:** figures

 **worst mother:** i wanted this chat so we could bond better

 **worst mother:** but here we are being uncooperative

 **rrrravi996:** this isn't a fucking summer camp

 **rrrravi996:** we don't have to do group activities

 **worst mother:** yeah because your group activities involve touching jaehwan's dick

 **hyulk:** OOOOO BURN

 **the dumbest one of all:** at least he gets to touch his boyfriend's dick

 **hyulk:** I'M DEAD AF

 **hyulk:** I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS BECAME A ROASTING SESSION BUT I LOVE IT

 

[ **hyulk** has renamed the chat  _SMACKDOWN_ ]

 

 **worst mother:** i'm sorry but do you not remember we've had promotions for like the whole month

 **worst mother:** where is the time

 **the dumbest one of all:** in the dressing rooms

 **the dumbest one of all:** duh

 **rrrravi996:** ok but that was just a blowjob

 **the dumbest one of all:** true

 **worst mother:** CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW FREQUENTLY YOU GUYS DO SHIT WITH EACH OTHER

 **the dumbest one of all:** the sexual frustration is strong with this one

 **the dumbest one of all:** why don't you just ask taekwoon to touch your dick instead of moping around when we talk about our sex life

 **hyulk:** hongbin hyung go make popcorn

 **the good one:** on it

 **worst mother:** i can't believe this

 **worst mother:** the betrayal

 **worst mother:** taekwoon you're on my side, right?

 **jungleo:** i really do not want to be here

 **worst mother:** JUST SAY YOU'RE ON MY SIDE AND YOU CAN GO BACK TO WATCHING CAT VIDEOS

 **jungleo:** i'm on your side

 **jungleo:** there, happy?

 **worst mother:** VERY

 **the dumbest one of all:** that's biased

 **the dumbest one of all:** he's your bf so of course he's gonna go along with what you say

 **worst mother:** wonsik doesn't go along with whatever you say

 **rrrravi996:** that's because one time he got me to say right regarding pop being better than hip hop

 **rrrravi996:** i put my foot down

 **hyulk:** you're such a baby

 **rrrravi996:** HIP HOP IS LIFE

 

[ **hyulk** changed **rrrravi996's** name to **hip hop baby** ]

 

 **hip hop baby:** YOU'RE LITERALLY THE MAKNAE OF OUR GROUP

 **the good one:** i'll fix it don't worry

 

[ **the good one** changed **hyulk's** name to **naruto baby** ]

 

 **naruto baby:** u right tho

 **the good one:** i know

 **the good one:** i have popcorn come find me

 **naruto baby:** ON IT

 **worst mother:** someone has food = sanghyuk being summoned

 **naruto baby:** u right

 **hip hop baby:** doesn't excuse the fact that you're the reason we go grocery shopping like every 3 days

 **naruto baby:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **worst mother:** are we using emoticons now!? fun!

 **worst mother:**  o((*^▽^*))o

 **jungleo:**  （；¬＿¬)

 **the dumbest one of all:** i like emoticons too! (/^▽^)/

 **worst mother:** just because we agree on a subject does not mean i will forgive you for your sins

 **the dumbest one of all:** last time i checked u weren't god

 **naruto baby:** JAEHWAN HYUNG THAT ONE WAS GOOD

 **the dumbest one of all:** thanks i'm here all day

 **hip hop baby:** i'm so confused

 **the good one:** see wonsik hyung, that was called a 'comeback,' synonym to 'a roast'

 **hip hop baby:** i'm not 80 wtf

 **the good one:** you might as well be

 **naruto baby:** do we have to teach grandpa some slang now

 **the good one:** i think we might

 **hip hop baby:** i think you guys forget that i practically live on instagram

 **naruto baby:** do they even use slang on instagram

 **hip hop baby:** how do you not know

 **hip hop baby:** you have an instagram

 **naruto baby:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **the good one:** i guess that'll be your go to emoji now

 **naruto baby:** i got a lot to shrug to, mr. hongbin

 **the dumbest one of all:** mr. hongbin

 **the dumbest one of all:** is he a teacher

 **worst mother:** his name would be mr. lee then

 **worst mother:** see this is why your name makes sense

 **the dumbest one of all:**  o(-`д´- o)

 

[ **naruto baby** has changed **the dumbest one of all's** name to **TRIGGERED** ]

 

 **TRIGGERED:** very fitting thank you sanghyuk

 **naruto baby:** anytime hyung

 **jungleo:** can we please stop talking in this chat

 **jungleo:** i'm going to flay you all alive

 **TRIGGERED:** only if you let hakyeon hyung touch your dick

 **worst mother:** jaehwan wtf

 **TRIGGERED:** shhhh i'm trying to get you laid

 **TRIGGERED:** it'll do us a lot of good

 **jungleo:** it's not like you're whispering

 **jungleo:** i can still hear you

 **hip hop baby:** i can also hear his cackles across the room

 **hip hop baby:** he sounds like a witch

 **naruto baby:** congrats you're dating that

 **hip hop baby:** unfortunately

 **TRIGGERED:** now i'm super triggered

 **naruto baby:** i'll change your name then

 

[ **naruto baby** has changed **TRIGGERED's** name to **Super Triggered** ]

 

 **Super Triggered:** what a babe

 **Super Triggered:** maybe i should date sanghyuk instead

 **the good one:** DAMN

 **naruto baby:** baby i can fuck ya better

 **naruto baby:** and you know it

 **the good one:** aaaand now i'm uncomfortable

 **hip hop baby:** you can steal my food

 **hip hop baby:** my clothes

 **hip hop baby:** but you can absolutely NOT steal my jaehwannie

 **naruto baby:** ew your pet names are gross

 **Super Triggered:** awwww wonshikkie you're so cute!!! ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 **hip hop baby:**  ෆ⃛(ˇᵋ ˇෆೄ

 **worst mother:** i really wasn't planning on throwing up this early but okay we've broken a record

 **worst mother** : leave the dorm if y'all are planning on fucking this time please

 **the good one:** this time?

 **the good one:** i really don't wanna know

 **worst mother:** i'll never be able to hear the word oppa with pure thoughts ever again

 **worst mother:** even from all the baby Starlights

 **the good one:** but you told me anyways

 **the good one:** ffs

 **worst mother:** anyways we have a schedule in like 30 minutes

 **worst mother:** chop chop you can't dress yourselves

 **worst mother:** and no getting UNDRESSED

 **worst mother:** looking at you, wonsik

 **hip hop baby:** wait wtf how did this get turned on me

 **jungleo:** finally

 **jungleo:** you heard hakyeon

 **naruto baby:** whatever

 **hip hop baby:** wait wtf explain your statement to me hakyeon hyung!!!

 

[ **worst mother** has removed **hip hop baby** from the chat]

 

 **worst mother:** we'll resolve this later

 **naruto baby:** LMAOOOO

 


	2. Ramen & Dick Sucking

_**11:25AM** _

 

 **naruto baby:** please tell me someone went out and got fucking groceries yesterday

 **worst mother:** excuse me young man

 **worst mother:** we do not say that kind of goddamn language in this motherfucking house

 **naruto baby:** this is why you got renamed worst mother

 **worst mother:** offended

 **naruto baby:** anyways

 **naruto baby:** please tell me so i don't have to get up and then get disappointed when i only find a butter container in the fridge

 **worst mother:** excuse you again

 **worst mother:** there's the butter container, leftover kimchi AND some soda

 **worst mother:** so don't be disappointed ಠ‿↼

 **naruto baby:** you're unbelieveable

 **jungleo:** i bought some yesterday

 **naruto baby:** and by some you mean?????

 **jungleo:** there's some ramen in the cupboard

 **naruto baby:** THANKS DAD

 **naruto baby:** GOTTA SKEDADDLE

 **naruto baby:** also wonsik hyung isn't up yet so

 **naruto baby:** not it

 **jungleo:** not it

 **worst mother:** not it

 **Super Triggered:** not it

 **the good one:** fuck

 **naruto baby:** HAH YOU DESERVE IT

 **naruto baby:** YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT IN MONTHS

 **the good one:** BUT WONSIK BITES ME

 **Super Triggered:** he bites me, too (・ω <)

 **the good one:** fucking disgusting, bye

 **worst mother:** jaehwan why must you make everything kinky after the little incident in the other chat

 **Super Triggered:** it was one time

 **worst mother:** and you bet i'm never going to let you live it down

 **Super Triggered:** never gonna give you up, never gonna let you dooooown~

 **naruto baby:** just....stop

 

[ **naruto baby** added **rrrravi996** to the chat]

 

 **naruto baby:** i could hear you screaming at hongbin hyung lmao

 **rrrravi996:** why do you guys do this to me

 **worst mother:** wonsik it's 12 in the fucking afternoon

 **worst mother:** you should have woke up a long time ago

 **rrrravi996:** yeah, yeah, sure, mother

 **worst mother:** do not use that tone with me, young man

 **naruto baby:** anyways wonsik hyung do you want to share ramen with me

 **rrrravi996:** depends

 **naruto baby:** it's your favorite

 **rrrravi996:** COMING

 **the good one:** should have waved that in his face to wake him up instead of sacrificing my eardrums

 **naruto baby:** you gotta take one for the team sometimes, my man

 **naruto baby:** think of it like a blood sacrifice for the gods

 **the good one:** yeah and you have experience with that, do you?

 **naruto baby:** the Starlights don't call me Satan for nothing, you know

 **worst mother:** also me, i call you Satan

 **naruto baby:** i was paraphrasing

 **the good one:** so, what's on the agenda for today, hakyeon hyung?

 **worst mother:** we don't have much, really

 **worst mother:** our big schedule is tomorrow with all the radio and music shows

 **Super Triggered:** fuck i'm so bloated

 **rrrravi996:** you're beautiful babe, don't worry

 **naruto baby:** i just lost my appetite

 **rrrravi996:** good, more for me

 

[ **naruto baby** has changed **rrrravi996's** name to **sappy ass** ]

 

 **sappy ass:** at least i can be sappy towards someone

 **the good one:** glad to see the chat's name still stands its ground

 **sappy ass:** when will you hop on ya boi's dick though, hyukkie????

 **naruto baby:** i'm not the one who's gonna be dick hopping

 **naruto baby:** i'm a top

 **sappy ass:** yeah okay and jaehwan's a top

 **Super Triggered:** (　ﾟДﾟ)＜!!

 **Super Triggered:** I am a top, Wonshikkie!!!

 **worst mother:** yeah because tops definitely mewl and pant like a kitten in heat

 **worst mother:** and moan WONSIIIIIK at the top of his lungs

 **the good one:** you know what? i never want to hear jaehwan hyung be compared to a kitten when we're talking about his sex life

 **the good one:** i just want to bleach my eyes really quick

 **naruto baby:** could've sworn this place was on fire w/ all the BURNS

 **sappy ass:** anyways like just confess already

 **worst mother:** confess to who????

 **worst mother:** HYUKKIE DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH???????

 **worst mother:** DOES MY PRECIOUS BABY HAVE A CRUSH?????

 **naruto baby:** thanks a fucking lot wonsik

 **sappy ass:** anytime

 **worst mother:** TELL ME WHO IT IS

 **worst mother:** IS IT A NICE BOY

 **worst mother:** IS IT ONE OF OUR HOOBAES

 **worst mother:** or

 **worst mother:** could it be

 **worst mother:** the _**sunbaes**_ ;)

 **naruto baby:** stop you're blowing up my phone

 **jungleo:** don't you have something better to do instead of pestering Sanghyuk???

 **naruto baby:** thank you, taekwoon hyung

 

[ **naruto baby**   has changed **jungleo's** name to **best dad ever award** ]

 

 **worst mother:** no for real though

 **worst mother:** or could it be

 **worst mother:** you have a crush on your doting mother??? ;)

 **naruto baby:** you're disgusting

 **naruto baby:** if you hadn't remembered, i'm eating ramen

 **worst mother:** JUST TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **worst mother:** IS IT ONE OF OUR GROUP MEMBERS????

 **naruto baby:** ...

 **worst mother:** OMG IT TOTALLY IS

 **worst mother:** FUCKING SPILL YOU LITTLE SHIT

 **worst mother:** OR I'LL FUCK UP YOUR PHOTOSHOOT PICTURES FOR THE NEXT COMEBACK

 **sappy ass:** don't you think you're being too harsh, hakyeon hyung????

 **worst mother:** MOTHER KNOWS ALL

 **the good one:** it seems all mother knows is how to sabotage

 **worst mother:** a tear rolls down his cheek

 **worst mother:** he feels betrayed by hongbin, the good child

 **sappy ass:** why the fuck are you talking in third person

 **naruto baby:** i'm not telling, so get off my back already

 **worst mother:** then i'll find out myself

 **worst mother:** jaehwan, we're going on a mission

 **Super Triggered:** ooooooh!

 **Super Triggered:** are we gonna get some food before we do that??

 **worst mother:** ...yes, fine.

 **Super Triggered:** hooray! bring on the jjajangmyeon!

 **worst mother:** taekwoon, sweetie, honey, baby, sugarpie, cupcake, muffin

 **best dad ever award:** ....yes?

 **worst mother:** would you please order your darling son and I some jjajangmyeon, please???

 **worst mother:** pretty please with a cherry on top????

 **Super Triggered:** he'll suck your dick if you say yes

 **worst mother:** PARDON ME?????

 **best dad ever award:** fine.

 **naruto baby:** LMAOOOOOO

 **worst mother:** WONSIK, HONGBIN, GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH HYUKKIE

 **the good one:** WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!??!?

 **worst mother:** BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY GOOD INFLUENCE LEFT IN THIS DAMN HOUSE

 **the good one:** fine, let's go guys

 **naruto baby:** good luck finding anything bitch

 **sappy ass:** see ya

* * *

 

 

 

_**12:18AM** _

 

 **naruto baby:** bet you he only said yes so he could get a blowjob

 **worst mother:** GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP, HYUKKIE

 **naruto baby:** whatever.

 

 


	3. Puns & Threesomes

_**2:11PM** _

 

 **worst mother:** the game is oN

 **worst mother:** oN, get it

 **worst mother:** but anyways i found out

 **naruto baby:** get out

 **sappy ass:** find out what

 **worst mother:** i know who hyukkie has a crush on!!

 **sappy ass:** hakyeon hyung it's been like two weeks

 **worst mother:** doesn't matter, because i fucking know

 **worst mother:** you little minx

 **worst mother:** how did i not see the signs?

 **naruto baby:** i gave signs???

 **sappy ass:** probably subtle ones

 **sappy ass:** but not enough to make hakyeon know in two weeks

 **worst mother:** oh, wonsik

 **worst mother:** pesky, pesky wonsik

 **worst mother:** didn't i say that mother eventually knows all?

 **the good one:** and then i said that all you did was sabotage

 **worst mother:** and then i said you were a betrayal of this family

 **worst mother:** did you forget

 **naruto baby:** okay we don't need a instant replay

 **naruto baby:** just because the chat name is smackdown doesn't mean we're in a wrestling match

 

[ **sappy ass** has renamed the chat to **unresolved sexual tension** ]

 

 **worst mother:** you wanna reveal something about your relationship to us, wonsik???

 **sappy ass:** nah not me

 **sappy ass:** i'll have you know me and jae fucked last night

 **the good one:** yeah, we know

 **naruto baby:** yeah, we know

 **worst mother:** yeah, we know

 **best dad ever award:** i wish i didn't know, but i do

 **worst mother:** TAEKWOON YOU BROKE THE CHAIN

 **best dad ever award:** .....

 **sappy ass:** anyways

 **sappy ass:** i'm talking about Sanghyuk's unresolved sexual tension

 **worst mother:** what kind of tension we talking here

 **sappy ass:** he's a young, growing boy

 **sappy ass:** you can imagine the rest

 **naruto baby:** i'm 23

 **naruto baby:** i'm not a baby

 **Super Triggered:** it looks like your name says otherwise

 **worst mother:** jaehwan! yes! the man i wanted to see!

 **Super Triggered:** you never want to see me, though

 **Super Triggered:** you abandoned me a day into this "investigation" of yours

 **worst mother:** thanks for segwaying into my point

 **worst mother:** Hyukkie, I know who you want to fuck

 **naruto baby:** you....do?

 **worst mother:** i sure do

 **worst mother:** and you cannot fuck him

 **naruto baby:** ....why???

 **worst mother:** god, isn't it blatantly obvious????

 **worst mother:** even though they're fucking disgusting,,,,,

 **worst mother:** you KNOW Wonsik  & Jaehwan are dating

 **sappy ass:** wait a minute

 **sappy ass:** who do you think Sanghyuk likes?????

 **worst mother:** Jaehwan, of course

 **worst mother:** i don't get why

 **worst mother:** but they've been flirting in the chats before!!!!!!!

 **worst mother:** I'M RIGHT, AREN'T I????????

 **worst mother:** YOU HAVE THE HOTS FOR LEE JAEHWAN

 **naruto baby:** you have never been so wrong in your entire life, hakyeon hyung

 **sappy ass:** i'm fcuking wheeizng

 **Super Triggered:** well, well, well

 **Super Triggered:** wonsik you finally found someone to have a threesome with

 **sappy ass:** WAIT WHAT

 **sappy ass:** NO NO NO NO DON'T MISUNDERSTAND

 **Super Triggered:** soooo you don't want the threesome??

 **naruto baby:** I DON'T LIKE JAEHWAN HYUNG

 **worst mother:** yeah oooookay

 **naruto baby:** BUT I DON'T, UGH

 **Super Triggered:** it's okay, Sanghyukkie

 **Super Triggered:** don't fight it

 **Super Triggered:** me  & wonsik have always wanted to try out spit roasting ;)

 **the good one:** OKAY I'M FUCKING LEAVING NOW

 **naruto baby:** WONSIK HYUNG HELP

 **sappy ass:** jae why do you have to exploit my sexual fantasies

 **sappy ass:** also @Hyukkie sorry man you're on your own

 **sappy ass:** you're gonna have to confess

 **naruto baby:** .....he's never gonna leave me alone, is he?

 **worst mother:** NO BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY

 **worst mother:** AND LIKING JAEHWAN ISN'T IT

 **worst mother:** BECAUSE THAT BOY IS WEIRDLY HAPPY WITH WONSIK AND I DON'T GET IT

 **sappy ass:** HEY WTF

 **sappy ass:** I'M CHARMING

 **worst mother:** yeah and i'm main rapper of the group

 **sappy ass:** T_T

 **naruto baby:** fine okay

 **naruto baby:** i like hongbin

 **sappy ass:** and boom goes the dynamite

 **sappy ass:** get it because of your rock ur body picture

 **worst mother:** i know i'm right so

 **worst mother:** WAIT WHAT

 **the good one:** ......

 **Super Triggered:** so i guess now was not the time to come back to the chat, huh?

 **naruto baby:** gotta go

 **worst mother:** HYUKKIE WAIT I'M SORRY

 

[ **naruto baby** has left the chat]

 

 **sappy ass:** good one hakyeon

 **sappy ass:** he's a fragile boy and you fucked it up

 **worst mother:** ME? I FUCKED IT UP?

 **worst mother:** YOU TOLD HIM HE HAD TO CONFESS

 **sappy ass:** YEAH BECAUSE YOU WERE NEVER GONNA LEAVE HIM ALONE

 **worst mother:** WHATEVER

 **best dad ever award:** ......

 **Super Triggered:** hopefully this doesn't create a rift in VIXX

 **Super Triggered:** TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THIS REALITY SHOW DRAMA ON KBS!!!!!!!!

 **worst mother:** jaehwan, shut the fuck up.

 **Super Triggered:** damn ok

 **worst mother:** i'll give him time to cool off

 **worst mother:** AND fight with Wonsik

 **Super Triggered:** wow petty

 **Super Triggered:** i'll make out with wonsik later ;)

 **sappy ass:** ;)

 **worst mother:**  y'all are gross

 **Super Triggered:** yeah okay grandpa

 **worst mother:** :c

 

 

 


End file.
